Idea of tomorrow has shifted from imaginary concept of occupied time to-be to an almost tangible expectation of reality, not of the content of that reality, but that the reality will in fact exist, in a finite amount of time. 

i dont want to do my show tonight

i just want to lay in bed

i am really sad right now

blogger has the option to "revert to draft" on a post
wish i could "revert to draft"

what if i am a draft and havent been updated and saved yet

what

i can count the number of times i've thrown up on one hand
andy green broke the land speed record twice
the most recent time was in 1997
he went faster than the speed of sound
and was the first person to do that

so much of my life is going wrong right now

i cannot get over this sandwich i made today

last night on the roof with james
he promised to quick smoking if i promised to 'go' vegan by the end of the month
hm

okay tips to make a really good sandwich
i call this
"long but fun night last night but i gotta do shit today also whatever i have in my fridge sandwich"
go buy "meat for fajitas" at the a&m rosenthal meat center
(that stuff is juicy and tender and GOOD AS HECK)
then get two eggs
some whole milk
pepper
sriracha
white bread
use a george foreman grill to make a few slices of the meat, whatever will fill the area of your slices of bread
make two eggs with milk and pepper
combine with a moderate amount of sriracha
enjoy the heck out of the thing

it is neat to think about the things my friends and i are doing
we are all so varied in what we are now up to in life

i have a candle and incense on the windowsill

next to my bed

i do not have a proper incense burner

so i melted wax into the bottom of an old tin can

and i stick the bottom of the incense in there

and the ash collects in the bottom

when i was melting the wax some got onto my hand

at first i had the immediate reaction of pain

but then realized it was not severe,

not prolonged,

like some pain is

and it was pleasurable in a way

and i poured more wax onto my hand

I walked from my living room to my kitchen, cleaned a glass and drank water. A worm outside was shriveling, a cockroach crawled across the outside of the kitchen window. I stepped outside to check the mail, my bare feet burned on the pavement. Such an inhospitable place for my evolved form, as if the Earth became a new planet, became a new Venus and the only life forms capable of surviving this new suffocating environment were those that could survive the imminent nuclear war, as if this were the aftermath, except with air conditioning and cold water inside our bomb-shelter-spacecrafts. As if, even in our near constant state of consciousness and awareness, Society managed to destroy and vaporize itself and we did nothing about it. Like the bombs became the white noise of a fan in the background until we phased them out and forgot and assumed our shelters were the same as our homes of the past. No, the imminent nuclear war was not imminent, not an as if, it had already happened. There was no air conditioning or cool water, just the illusions the mind can create. In the heat my brain melted into a hot sludge, paved the road, the other humanoids looked from the shelters, only saw a cool guy checking his cool mail.